Photo Update

1) Laine learned how to roll from her tummy to her back this weekend. I don't have a picture of her doing it but I do have a picture of her worn out afterwards, watching TV and hanging off the couch. She was comfortable it seems because she stayed there for over a half an hour.
2) Josh is a great big brother.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Last night was horrible, for me and Erik anyway, not so much for Laine. She was in a great mood ALL NIGHT. From one in the morning until I dropped her off at day care at seven. Holy Tuna Steak Batman! Erik worked late last night after the soccer game of course and James dropped him off a little before one. Erik crawled into bed and was snoring before his head hit the pillow, making the bed squeak and woke up Laine. I was in bed at 11:00 so I at least got to sleep for two hours before getting up with her. At around 3:20 however I needed to call in reinforcements, my back was killing me from carrying Laine up and down the hallway. Back and forth, up and down, bouncing her and rocking her and patting her bottom and singing. Jiminy! So Erik dragged himself up for me and walked her back and forth once down the hall and she conked out. I was so angry. I want the daddy super power too! So Erik and I both got to sleep until she woke up again at four. Erik got up with her and I slept again until five, at which time I woke up to her talking to Erik as he snored back at her. I figured she was okay since there was no crying so I snoozed on and off for the hour and got up at six to relieve Erik. I woke him up at seven to send him off to work and it turns out that the poor guy is sick! His voice is gone and he’s all stuffy and so pitiful looking but up he got and off to work he went and he even smiled and hugged on me and Laine before going. He told Laine that the loved her and he told me something a bit naughtier so I apologized to him for needing his help least night but thanked him for getting up without a fuss and I told him that I think he is a good dad and I’m lucky to have him. I think we both made it through a bad night and came out shiny on the other end. It’s important to leave the crap where the crap goes and not take it with you. I’m not always good at doing that, but on the days I do, I’m grateful that I remembered to do so.

Seven Days

One week ago I committed myself to seven days of no coffee, no coke, no tea; only water.
This is no ordinary tale. This is a story of psychological upheaval, of strength from conviction and of my personal development of character.
And here, in this sacred place, is the recounting; the telling of the hours.
Monday, August 17, 2009
7:15a – I will not stop at Whataburger for iced-tea. I will not stop at Whataburger for iced-tea. I will not stop…
4:31p – Water gives me heartburn.
8:55p – I pored two glasses of milk for Erik and I at dinner and I had to pour mine back into the jug… As I cried.
10:20p – I have officially drank too much water. I slosh when I lay down in bed. Don’t even ask me what it was like to sit in the rocking chair.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
6:40a – Breakfast without coffee is just wrong.
8:27a – I can smell the coffee in the hallway… taunting me.
2:30p – Laine was given three shots today. I need three shots today.
8:30p – Meh, water takes the thirsty away.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
8:47a – I have a headache that I’m blaming on my caffeine withdrawal.
9:15p – I have a headache that I’m blaming on the damn water.
10:30 – A Dynamo game with a pretzel is nice but not the same without a cold beer.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
2:30p – I didn’t even notice the fact that I could only drink water today, I just chose to drink it… it was what I wanted…creepy.
6:14p – This has turned out to be exactly like quitting cigarettes; once you are past the third day it gets easier.
Friday, August 21, 2009
8:48a – I smelled the coffee in my office today, and I didn’t have to have it. I am A) proud of myself and B) weirding myself right out.
12:58 – Back from the movies with The Person. I smuggled in water. I feel like such a criminal.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
10:00a – T here is no ice in our house. I hate luke-warm water.
11:30p – If only you knew the day I had, you’d understand why I stood over an open bottle of wine for 15 minutes. I did not drink it but I smelled all the flavor right out.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
10:45a – This is the first Sunday I haven’t had coffee during the church service, turns out that I don’t need it, it’s just a habit I’ve made.
8:45p – At the Dynamo game and this time I don’t miss the beer with my pretzel.
11:30p – After the Dynamo game, on my way home, it has technically been seven whole days since the start of this and I still don’t stop at Whataburger for an iced-tea!

Five-Oh-Wee-Oh-Wee-Oh

Before I start, let me inform you all that this is my 50th post. Who, seriously, would have thought I would have that much interesting stuff to say? I said interesting, not just stuff. HA!
Yesterday was Laine’s six month checkup. Erik insists on going with me every time which I find to be not only helpful but a serious turn on. I love a man that loves any reason to be around his women. Everything went exceedingly well and we were told that she is developing exactly as she should. She weighed in at eighteen pounds and is twenty-six inches long (tall?). That’s a pretty good size ball of amazing. We were given permission to start on stage two foods and meat. I think we are going to hold off on the meat for a while though, I don’t know why, it’s just something I’ve decided. Don’t ask me about it. We were also given permission to give her water (ha) and juice, as well as Gerber finger foods. We started on the biter biscuits yesterday right after we got home. I decided to make cupcakes, because why not, and while I was coloring the batter and spooning it in happy face shapes, I gave Laine a biter biscuit to gnaw on. Her first bite at it wad very dainty, ladylike almost but then she went at it. Like a dog on a bone, she loved it; she liked the mess it made and the sticky it put on her fingers and most of all she liked the fact that every time she grabbed hold and bit down mommy danced around the kitchen like a monkey. It kept her occupied. And it kept me entertained. After that she needed a bath, or more like a hard core scrub down. I had to wash her hair twice, but it was fun. Then I gave her a bottle and put her into the exerscaucer for some play time while I got Erik’s dinner ready; vegetable beef soup and cornbread. Mmm mmm Aunt Bee, it was yummy.
For the rest of the night Laine was incredibly grumpy, but I couldn’t really blame her because she got poked with needles and there are bits of bone trying to crawl out of her mouth, so Erik and I tried our best to sooth her and keep her entertained and eventually she wore herself out with Erik doing his most remarkable dad moves ever and she went down close to 9:00. This morning I woke her up at six and gave her a few ounces of formula and she went back down and was still asleep at 7:30, I guess she really did wear herself out. I’m hoping today is a good day for her. When we get home tonight we are going to wait until Erik comes home before I give her the biscuit again. Erik really wants to see her with it, and I’m pretty psyched to see it again.
Also, this is how Laine eats. She focuses on a random object, in the case of last night it was April staring at her through the window, and she opens her mouth when she's ready for food. Is she spoiled or what?!

What We Did

Busy busy little bees were we were this weekend. Saturday was such a full day with wedding showers and surprise birthday parties. Josh learned how to wink and we met Laine's future husband, Spencer. Laine got to do a little bonding with her great-grandfather and at the end of the day we all collapsed into bed and prayed for a full night's sleep. Sunday we slept in until 7:30. The Bit and I crawled into bed with dad to try and wake him up but he wasn't having much of that; that is until Laine started singing to him. It's not really something you can ignore for too long, so finally he got up and we had a lot of fun lounging until it was time to leave for church. Skin on skin action is fun with babies. They are so interested in new textures and typically they only touch your clothing, so when Laine discovered Erik's chest hair it was fun, not just because she pulled it, but because she was completely spellbound by the way it felt. She also got to play with dad's head. That was funny because Erik squeals like a girl.

We have a doctors apointment for Laine set up tomorrow. My guess is that she' s around twenty pounds. At least.

A Challenge

I've listed this on the main page of my blog because I want to make sure it stays someplace that I'll see it often adn not be able to ignore it.
I'm posting it here in case of accidental deletion.
I'm also hoping that someone will feel the desire to do a few with me.
Hint. Hint.

55 Things
FAMILY
01 Write my mom a gratitude letter
02 Make Levi and Sydney a Marriage Quilt
03 Help mom and grandma consolidate their recipes
04 Get pregnant and have another baby
05 Take Erik to Greece
06 Make a photo book from wedding pictures
07 Make a gift for each family member one Xmas
08 Bake a cake for Laine's birthday
09 Fly a kite with Jacob and Josh
10 Set up a regular “date night” with Erik

FAITH, HEALTH & WELL BEING
11 List 101 things that make me happy
12 Go for a walk every evening for one month
13 Make it to church every week for three months
14 Take a Precepts Class (and finish it, no skipped classes)
15 Touch toes w/out bending knees
16 No fast food for three months
17 Read a self-help book
18 Cook one new recipe a week
19 Loose two pounds a week for a month
20 Use the Wii every night for a month

TRAVEL, ENVIRONMENT & EXPERIENCES
21 De-clutter: get rid of 50 material items
22 Send an anonymous gift or flowers
23 Paint something on canvas
24 Take a trip overnight someplace with just Erik
25 Give blood
26 Take a cooking class
27 Visit the beach and actually get in the water
28 Make a cheesecake
29 Learn to knit
30 See thirty Best Picture Oscar Winner films

FINANCES
31 Write a budget & stick to it
32 Make out a will
33 Find a way to make money from home
34 Learn from Erik who our providers are (insurance, electric etc.)
35 Save up for new bedroom set

JUST FOR ME
36 Hire Katia one day a month, every other month
37 Replace all my old undies
38 Get my teeth whitened
39 Buy a nice pair of jeans
40 Send letters to loved ones
41 One night a week, go to bed at 9:30 and read
42 Organize my music
43 Organize my photos
44 Get external hard drive & backup
45 Once a week buy a different bottle of wine

CREATIVITY
46 Create a concept & outline for a novel
47 Start writing Borrowing Jacob, seriously.
48 One full written and edited chapter a month
49 Start a 365 folder on Flickr of Laine
50 Learn how to use Photoshop

STUFF I WANT
51 A decent BBQ for Erik
52 New bedroom suit for me and Erik’s room
53 A new passport for me and Laine
54 Digital video camera
55 A shelf for my laundry room

Much Ado...

To begin with, this is a photo of what it would look like if my face were to spontaneously implode.
Anyway... I am writing this blog on an Internet typewriter; just a black screen with bright green text. It's somewhat calming to be given such a blank canvas to start with. Microsoft Word has become intimidating now that my mind understands that every time I see that blank white screen with its little blinking line that's waiting to spit out letters, that it'll be expected to come up with something witty and entertaining for my mass of readers. I hate blank white screens today. So now I've moved on to different colors. As simple as that sounds, it's freeing. No so free feeling as taking off your pants and dancing like a hippy at Woodstock in the living room when no one is home, but free enough. Free enough to come up with the idea of writing about... yeah; I thought that would work and it did not. Sometimes putting myself on the spot works, but not so much this time. So I'm stuck writing about nothing. Like a Seinfeld episode. I guess that means I should mention Elaine.
She bonked her head pretty good the other night. For dinner time Erik and I have gotten in the habit of letting Laine sit with us at the table, in her highchair or on one of our laps, but this time for some reason we thought maybe she'd want to sit in the papasan. While testing to see if she still fit in it she rolled out and face planted on the tile. She cried so hard and for so long that I started crying too. It was horrible. And to top it all off, Erik felt so bad for not strapping her in he wouldn't let me hold her. He kept a hold of her until she started to calm down and when finally I was crying harder that Laine was he let me have her. But only for a little while. Once I was okay and I realize that she was not in fact about to die from brain hemorrhage he took her back and kept her until she went to sleep. He even got up around three in the morning with her. I never want her to hit her head again but if it makes him get up for me in the middle of the night... I won't complain.
Laine didn't even have a bump on the head or a red spot from the tile. When she woke up around 5:30 I got up with her and she was perfectly fine. She was talking and laughing and generally being the exceptionally happy baby that she is and that set my mind at ease. Now its a few days later and I've just become convinced that she will be fine. Those stories on the news of children not being taken to the hospital after hitting their heads and dying scare the crap out of me and now every time she bonks her head on my collar bone I freak out. This mom business is stressful.
Now I’m going to copy all that I have written and transfer it into Microsoft Word so that I can use spell check and post this. It may seem like I’m just adding to my stress by doing things in a roundabout way, but then again, you aren’t sitting in my lap today so you don’t know. This could be the exact thing that takes up those last fifteen minutes before I walk out the door and get on the road so that I don't get into a wreck or something.
If that is the case, my apologies to the person left to fill that void.

Lazy

This is what lack of motivation looks like.

And this.

Chartreuse vs Yellow-y Green

Take a handful of words, I dare you, and put them in some kind of order. Now verbalize it. We call this “language”. The human capacity to transfer thought, theory and notions through speech and writing is unrivaled. There are upwards of six thousand different languages currently being utilized, including sign language, and many thousands more that are considered extinct. Computers do it with their 100101010 and dogs can impart information through barks and whines, while whales taaaaaaallllkk lliiiiiikkkeeee thhhhhiiiiisssssss. Language is everywhere. All species use it, except, apparently, the Homo Husbandrus.
Most people can put into words their brain waves while others express strictly through deed. I am a word person. Erik is a deed man. This really is just another area in our marriage where our individual eccentricities once again manufacture clashing skulls. And if my brain pan wasn’t bruised enough as it is I seem to go out of my way daily to point out to Erik how much of a non-word man he is; which in turn is answered with how much of a non-deed girl that I am. So not true, by the way. I deed. I’ll deed the heck out of him if he’s just use his words to let me know what deeds he wants.
We found out recently that our personalities are exact opposites of each other. We are exact opposites, on every single point, that's bananas! And tests don’t lie so you know it’s true. I’m an ISFJ and he is an ENTP. Together we are the perfect match, nice, but I could have told you that. The only problem is that we are EXACT OPPOSITES!!! We are opposing forces, arch rivals, combatants. But, we don’t really fight. We beat a dead horse from time to time and it’s like a meeting at the International Society for Triggering Epileptic Seizures; always the same back and forth and it never stops. I need him to talk to me, answer his phone when I call or say I love you first and he doesn’t have the words. He needs me to understand that he loves me without him having to tell me thirty-four times an hour and I don’t have that kind of certainty. But since one of us uses words and the other one doesn’t we each vent in our own ways at someone else but not at each other; it’s not our way. Neither of us can stand anger. Not between the two of us, in any way, ever. And we both require insane amounts of love to be shown to us but we both desire it in different ways; his desire for physical touch versus my desire for words of affirmation, his desire to give acts of service versus my desire to give quality time. It’s brutal. But all is well because we took a test and we read about the other person while saying “How do they know that!” and now we know these things about each other, and that’s why our marriage has gotten noticeably easier in the past few days.
It never dawned on me before that I could take out the trash every now and then. And I don’t think he’s ever realized that calling ahead not only means dinner is ready, but that it’s hot on the table and Laine is occupied and family fun time is waiting upstairs.
No marriage is perfect, and no love between a man and woman can be perfect. But the fact that I know how he needs to be loved and he knows how I need to be loved and we are both capable of giving that exact kind of love is what makes our love a great love.
I think maybe one of the greatest of all time.

One Fish, Two Fish

The Day I Met Erik...

Eight years ago I met Erik at a Denny's in Friendswood. My whole life was changed because Starbucks didn't stay open late enough. If he would have known that I was reading Sara Teasdale and listening to music that makes his ears bleed he might never have spoken to me. This is the only context in which I will say this, but, thank God for Camel cigarettes.

And then this year, I find that my sister's birthday is on that same day! I was so excited to share our day with her that I made the most interesting and difficult cake I could find. This is what blood, sweat and tears looks like when you mix them with love and food coloring.

Happy Birthday Sydney!!

Success!

Last night was the first night that Laine stayed in her own room. in her own bed. Away from me. She did better than I did during the night. She slept from 9:30 until 7:30, while I was up every couple of hours checking to make sure that the monitor was really working and that she was okay. But she was fine, sleeping a peaceful sleep that was so deep that even my opening and closing her door couldn't wake her up. She didn't even make the cute moaning noises that she normally does. She woke up in a great mood and started talking and laughing right away, so that's what I got to wake up to. Now we are dressed and ready to get the day going. I've got her in bed with Erik right now, she's blowing raspberry's and laughing at the squirrels outside out window. I don't know what kind of karma I have out there that would come back to me with such a happy baby but I am grateful for it.
Time for banana's and rice and then I think we might take a trip to grandma's house. Maybe a little swimming later. Today's going to be a great day. I can feel it.

Hey Person,

Even though I do talk to you by instant messagner and text every day and even though you only live two neighborhoods and two minutes away I feel like I never see you, you're so far away from me. Family and responsibility get in the way. So here's me catching you up on my day.
Today was a fairly good day. No bad to begin with and not bad to end with. Work was basic. I progammed and I updated the Shop Job Log, updated my wishlist on wishpot and blogged a bit. At lunch time some suppliers of ours came by to take out the boss man , our detailers and the pretty lady in the shop, while me and some other really cool, often overlooked, super special people were left to fend for ourselves. So we went out. The service sucked so hard at the restaurant/pool hall we went to eat at but the food was very good, enough to mostly make up for the tard serving us. I mean fifty minutes for your food would generaly make you want to walk out but... she brought out these amazing nachos after about a half an hour that was actually Alisa's meal but we all ate it; so we stayed. I took a picture for future blackmail purposes. Drinking on company time... oh wait, that's just a normal Friday, never mind.
I got off work early and was home by 3:30. I stopped by HEB and bought some groceries and got home to put them all away before I went to go and get Laine from daycare. I was quite impressed with myself and the amount of care I was able to put in to my dinner. It was a good dinner by the way. I didn't outdo myself but I sure did meet my exact expectaions. And you have a family to cook for yourself so you'll understand that acheiving exactly what you set out to do is worth a happy dance or two.
After dinner Erik spent a couple of hours fixing an old friends computer while I gave Laine a bath. And for the first time ever we had poop in the bath. She was so cute in that she knew that she did something that made Mommy's face look funny but she laughed and that made me laugh and then we started the bath all over again.
Afterwards Erik was still fixing the computer so I reopened the bottle of wine I had started at dinner and I finsished it sitting on the stairs, waiting for Erik to walk up them to meet me for bed. Eventually I ran out of wine and he didn't come so I decided to talk to you instead.
So overall it was a good day. I'm still waiting for Erik to come upstairs, but I might have to wait for him in bed... asleep.
I love you . Goodnight.

Because Odd Numbers Bug Me

Raindrops on Roses...

1. What is your first name? Amanda

2. What is your favorite food? Pasta

3. What high school did you go to? Westminster

4. What is your favorite color? Yellow

5. Who is your celebrity crush? Gary Dourdan

6. Favorite drink? Coffee

7. Dream vacation? Mexico

8. Favorite dessert? Lemon Cheesecake

9. What you want to be when you grow up? Librarian

10. What do you love most in life? Family

11. One Word to describe you? Grateful

12. Your flickr name? aprosendah

Considering that 1, 3, 9 and 12 never change, I've decided to omit them from my mosic this time, but since I needed 9 to make a square I added my name back.

Dear Mom, Levi, Andrea and Sam

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated. I struggle with feeling underappreciated and unloved and I strive to be valued by my friends and family, I need for everyone to see what I do when I’m able to do it, but it’s my own fault that most don’t when I am the first one to point out all that I am incapable of or unwilling to do. It’s hard for people to see what I do when I keep my hand in front of their face. It’s something I’ll need to work on in the future. Starting today I’m making the promise to myself that I will not say things that will highlight my inadequacies, I will not allow offhand remarks about my cooking or cleaning to damage my calm, and most of all I will not allow myself to deny help.
That last one is important for me, I always turn down help. “I can handle it myself” or “No worries, I’ll do it soon”, just isn’t cutting it anymore and that was made obvious to me last night. Normally I find it difficult to ask for help with things that I view as being strictly my responsibility, but I’ve seen now that just because it’s my burden doesn’t mean I can’t accept help carrying it.
And boy, I didn't just get help this time. My burden, my boulder on my shoulder, my albatross around my neck was taken from me, wholly and utterly adopted by people whom I cannot ever express in words how much they mean to me. When I saw all that help and all that love shown to me I cried from the joy it brought me. With the past few months being as chaotic as they’ve been for us Erik and I try our best to do all that needs to be done and sometimes we succeed, but most times we don’t. The last two months have been especially hard; I went back to work and it took away a lot that I had hoped to keep; like time. But I soldier on, doing laundry when I can, dishes when I can, vacuuming when I can. But as you figured out, lately I just can’t. I had no energy at the end of every day to put towards my home. I was feeling inadequate as a wife and I was feeling that I was failing in the basic aspect of motherhood in that I could not keep a clean house for my daughter.
I was at my breaking point, driving home from work yesterday. I was thinking about all that needed to be done around the house and how much I just wanted to sit with Laine instead of doing it all; and then I come home and walk in the door to found what you had given to me. Time and energy; time I didn’t have to spend cleaning and the energy to spend my new time having fun with Laine, one on one, no running back and forth between her and the laundry room. No jostling her around on my hip as I try to straiten up the living room. It was just me and her dancing in the kitchen and making dinner for dad. It was the most beautiful night. Laine was in a perfect mood, the music on the radio was exactly what I wanted to hear, and the chicken came out perfect. I had a clean table to set with clean dishes. I had a clean couch to lounge on. I had a clean nightgown to wear into a clean bed. Now everything that I had been stressing about and everything that was weighing on me and everything that I allowed to go undone has been taken care of. For that I thank you. For that I love you. For that I am grateful and I hope you know how huge this is for me. I’ve not been given a gift this precious by anyone before. You helped raise my spirit up from the dark places it was going and you’ve taken the cloud that was sitting over my home and let the sun shine bright on our faces again.
Thank you. I can’t say it enough. Thank you.

Wordless Wednesday

6 Months Old Today!

So I woke up to Laine groaning next to me on the bed. I was like “Good morning” and she saw me and rolled on her side and stared. I got up and use the restroom and she screamed. I got back in bed and she was still on her side staring at me. I stared back until she went back to sleep. I took a shower and work her up and dressed her then dropped her off.
It was kinda neat to have her roll over to her side to stare at daddy then drift back to sleep.
Thought I would share….
Erik

and later...

When I got home tonight, I made Laine laugh until she cried. It was amazing.

We Are Mobile!

Laine rolled over for the first time this past weekend. She tried and tried for about twenty minutes solid with me and Sydney trying to help her over and finally she did it all on her own. This is what a proud parents blog looks like.

And then we were exhausted.

Erik wasn't there to see it but we called him right away, and Sunday night she rolled over for just him. Next time she does something new I hope we are able to experience it together.

Also, Grandma had the most amazing teething thingy I'd ever seen, it's a big raspberry that would make popping sounds when Laine pulled it out of her mouth. She loved it. I love it when she finds ways to entertain herself, it's amazing to watch.