My Family

Erik let me sleep in very late Saturday morning, very very late. I didn't wake up until he was laying her down for her nap at 12:00. I have the most amazing man taking care of me and my kid, it's unreal and unbelieveable how lucky I've been with him.
Throughout the morning Erik took a few videos of Laine so that even while I was sleeping I wouldn't miss out on her day. I love that man so much sometimes it's rediculous.

One day Erik and I will take a vacation, and it won’t be in the off season or just over to San Antonio, it’s going to be to a dreamy place during the best kind of weather and it’s going to be for a week, maybe a little less, but weekdays not just the weekend. And we are going to fly there and then we are going to veg out and sleep a lot and eat mad amounts of fatty foods and do amazingly fun and exciting things, have adventures and do things outdoors and it’s going to be amazing. Oh, and sex. Lots of it.

This is where I’d like to go.

It’s like a bed and breakfast but instead of a room in a house you get a cottage all to yourself.

Sigh, one day.

It's Been A While

You know how it goes. Busy, busy, boring and busy, the life of a mom.
Topic one: I’ve been baking a lot. A lot. A. lot. It’s been fun and time consuming and relaxing and so inconvenient all at the same time. I love to bake, I’ve recently figured out. I know I can make things that some people really enjoy, it’s not for everyone, I know, but I can do some things for some people that can sometimes make them happy. Baking is one thing I can do. I’m trying to expand on what I can do. I’m going to be trying to put aside the box cake mixes and make my own cakes. I’m starting this week in developing my own recipe, one for yellow and one for chocolate so that from there I can make all my own flavors. I’ll be baking a lot and throwing away a lot unless there are folks that need cake.
Topic two: Erik has been working a lot. A lot. A seriously ridiculously stupid amount of work. And I hate it. And I miss him. And I hate it.

Topic three: Elaine. My angel. She’s so terribly two years old it’s driving up a wall. I can’t eat at a restaurant, I can’t shop for groceries, and I can’t go to my mom’s house without it ending in a shouting match or a spanking. She is so much more determined than I am. I have yet to win an argument with her and I fear it’s only a glimpse of what’s to come.
So far there is no convincing her that mommy’s right, there’s no making her do what I want, there is no mommy says baby does. Laine rules my home with a tiny iron fist. Of course she is spoiled, was there any doubt in anyone’s mind that I wouldn’t spoil the crap out of her? I want her to have every thing she wants; no matter how extravagant or insignificant I want her to have it all. Even the things that I can’t give her I want to encourage her to strive for everything she wants, however I’m starting to walk the fine line of raising her to expect all things instead of hoping and working for all things. I know that she’s only two but I really should have been doing a better job from the beginning. The person she will be when she’s older isn’t waiting to be made; she’s already halfway done with the process. Her building blocks are set into a foundation already; the only thing left to add on is experience. So when she screams for Fruit Loops at 1:30 in the morning I should be able to make it into a learning experience, a lesson in patience and respect. But 1:30 in the morning isn’t the time for me to be thinking like a teacher. It’s the time for me to be thinking like a working more or less single mom who got woken up only three hours into her sleep with only four hours left to go before morning. I do hope I can learn to take a moment and breath and remind myself that she’s not there at 1:30 in the morning screaming for Fruit Loops to annoy me; she’s there because she’s hungry. She’s not there at 2:00 in the morning pulling my arm and yelling my name to make me angry, she’s doing it because she’s had a bad dream or she fell out of the bed and she want me to talk to her until she calms down again.
I want to tear my hair out thinking about all the times I’ve turned a moment that could have been wonderful into something that is miserable. Do any mom’s ever get it right? It’s dumb that we can’t be perfect.

Perfect

"HE'S NOT PERFECT. YOU AREN'T EITHER, AND THE TWO OF YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. BUT IF HE CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH AT LEAST ONCE, CAUSE YOU TO THINK TWICE, AND IF HE ADMITS TO BEING HUMAN AND MAKING MISTAKES, HOLD ON TO HIM AND GIVE HIM THE MOST YOU CAN. HE ISN'T GOING TO QUOTE POETRY, HE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU EVERY MOMENT, BUT HE WILL GIVE YOU A PART OF HIM THAT HE KNOWS YOU CAN BREAK. DON'T HURT HIM, DON'T CHANGE HIM, AND DON'T EXPECT MORE THAN HE CAN GIVE. DON'T ANALYZE. SMILE WHEN HE MAKES YOU HAPPY, YELL WHEN HE MAKES YOU MAD, AND MISS HIM WHEN HE'S NOT THERE. LOVE HARD WHEN THERE IS LOVE TO BE HAD. BECAUSE PERFECT GUYS DON'T EXIST, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS ONE GUY THAT IS PERFECT FOR YOU."

BOB MARLEY



Water Baby

Vacation Over

So I covered most of Friday and Saturday in yesterday’s post; Saturday night and Sunday morning was mostly more of the same. We ate, we slept, we rode around on the golf cart which was my favorite I think, riding the same trail over and over and never seeing it the same way twice. I’m going to share the photos before I tell you about the ride home.

Real men take fire seriously.



Real men kill stuff.



I would  have stuffed a pillow under my shirt,
taken my shoes off and held a beer and cigarette in one hand
with the gun in the other,
but this is all the redneck I could muster on short notice.
I think I look convincing don't you?



That goat was MEAN. He eats his own babies.
I don't know why I was surprised
when he tried to take a bite of mine.

Now, the ride home.

We left the ranch right around 10:30, about an hour before Laine’s nap time. So Laine was tired, and she was upset over having to leave my mom and dad behind and she wanted to be held because it was nap time, so she cried and screamed or three hours. THREE HOURS of a baby crying is long enough to drive anyone up a wall, but Erik had to get into the office. He had to. We were unable to stop for Laine, so she cried. For three hours. When we stopped for gas Erik bought Laine a small cup of Dippin’ Dots and that made her happy for almost an hour so that she didn’t start whining and crying again until we hit Katy.

By the time we got home, it was almost three o’clock (yeah that’s a 5 hour trip packing into a 4 ½ hour trip with gas stops and one stop to clean up the vomit after Laine cried herself into hysterics included) and we were all running on fumes. Erik stayed only long enough to help me unpack the car before heading out to the office. Laine and I ate some leftover twice baked potatoes (thrice baked) and hung out in the living room for the rest of the day, I was doing laundry and Laine was taking out every toy she owns and throwing at the wall and me until about 10:00, at which time I held her down until she cried herself to sleep, she woke up an hour later but snuggled down with me, put her hand on my face and smiled at me.
My vacation at the ranch was so wonderful and so relaxing that having Sunday happen was like a bucket of boiling oil being poured into my socket after someone tore my eyeball out with flaming tongs; it’s Tuesday and I still want to cry thinking about Sunday.

Saturday night Erik got a call from work, apparently it was flip out time and his boss/brother was yelling at him, cursing at him and generally just tearing Erik down. I really don’t care what is going on at the office and I really don’t care whose fault he thinks it is, and I really, really don’t care what his excuse is. I’ve never heard disrespect like I did Saturday night. It was ridiculous and uncalled for.
Then Sunday comes along and he finds out that Erik is on his way into the office, we’ve left our family vacation early, and now he’s fine. He’s happy; he now understands what Erik was trying to explain to him. Now he’s open to new opinions and NOW he’s treating my husband like a human being. 
Now you can tell me that a job is a job and it has to get done; I understand that and I’m not arguing that point. I know that there was a problem at the office but I also know that Erik was fixing it, that he was doing everything that he was supposed to be doing he just wasn’t doing it in the office, where James could check in on him on a regular basis. So instead of trusting Erik to do his job, the job he’s been doing very well for a number of years, James had to call him, and demean him, disrespect him and humiliate him. I heard large chunks of the conversation, I heard my husband lose his temper and raise his voice for only the third time TEN years and I can’t stand it. So yeah, you can tell me my anger is misplaced but I won’t move it. You don’t disrespect my husband.

Cazadora Ranch

This past weekend Erik, Laine, Alicia and I all drove 5 hours to a friends ranch and had three wonderful days of doing whatever we wanted. Most of it included naps and food and playing on the playground but some of it included the ranch itself. We rode the property on the golf cart a few times, we fed the horses and had moments with a goat who wanted to eat my baby.
Friday, Erik, Alicia and I were all able to get the day off of work so we were able to be on the road by 9:30 after I dropped off the cake balls to the WOMAN WHO MADE THE FIRST EVER ORDER OF CAKE BALLS! That was exciting. We met and exchanged cake for money in a gas station parking lot. It felt like a drug deal, I totally got an adrenalin rush. Once we got on the road Laine fell asleep and I was able to concentrate of some barrettes for about two hours, then she woke up and we stopped at a burger king when she started getting rowdy. After a bellyful of food and some running around we piled back in the car and made it to the ranch just after 3:00. That’s some pretty dang good time for driving with a toddler. Once we got to the ranch we got the tour of the most wonderful most beautiful place in the world. I mean it’s amazing. It’s peaceful and quiet and there are no people around and no traffic and no smells or sights besides that which God planted and I LOVED IT! There were no people! It was heaven for me.
We piled into a golf cart (all 6 of us) and drove around the property for about a half an hour, taking photos of things that probably won't interest me again but totally fascinated me there. We saw rabbits and roadrunners and eagles and red-winged blackbirds and turtles and otters and deer and hogs and trees that have been around longer than my family name! There was so much to see and at the same time absolutely nothing to distract you from the beautiful place we were in.
We got back to the house and unpacked our bags, I traded in my sandals for boots and we got started on dinner, steak and potatoes of course. However when I say steak and potatoes there is no way for you to understand the amazingness of that meal unless you’ve eaten with my family. If you have you know, if you haven’t you haven’t ever really eaten.
After dinner we played with Laine on the playground that was right in front of the house; a huge wonderful playground with a slide and swings and amazing happy rays of sunshine sprouting out from it in all directions totally intoxicating my daughter with laughter and bubbly giggles for the entirety of the trip. I love that playground.
Bed time came around 9:30 for Laine and me, even Erik crashed earlier than usual. Being outdoors eating mad amounts of good food and drinking very cold beer can wear you out if you aren’t used to such wonderful conditions. My city body had to adjust to the easy life of the country.
Daddy woke Erik up around midnight to go out hunting and while they were gone Laine woke up, of course flipping out, in a strange place in a strange bed and it was super dark and she couldn’t see me so it took me a while to calm her down, but after I told her “It’s okay, we're sleeping in DonDon’s bed” it made her a lot more curious than afraid of where she was. And that started the next two days worth or “It’s DonDon’s bed? It’s DonDon’s chair? It’s DonDon’s house? It’s DonDon’s? It’s DonDon’s? It’s DonDon’s?”
It’s really cute is what it is.
Saturday morning Laine and I were up at 7:00 for breakfast and cartoons for a few hours before everyone else got up and started moving around. We spent the morning with coffee and campfires and good company a hammock and some music. A beach vacation with pina colada’s delivered to me by ethnically handsome young men can’t even touch a morning like we had in the hot and dry side of Nowhere, Texas.
We went for another ride around the property, took some more photo’s and enjoyed the cool breeze that was missing the day before. We played with Laine on the playground and had conversations usually reserved for Sundays. We prepared then ate more food and took naps. TOOK NAPS. Sorry, didn’t know if you saw that. I TOOK A NAP. Yeah I did.
We slept until around 2:00 and then waited for everyone else to wake up form their naps, we sat around the fire again and played at the playground again and we fed the horses some apples and we made the acquaintance of a very mean very ugly goat that literally kept trying to eat my child’s feet.
Yeah, I snatched her up and ran away.
Yeah, my dad laughed at me.
Oh and how my dad laughed! All weekend, all day and night and day and night again. He laughed and when he wasn’t laughing he was smiling. The place we were in was amazing enough on it’s own but to have the music of my dad’s laughter covering it all was like all the beautiful things you can think of wrapped up in all the beautiful things you can’t think of and smooshed together with all the beautiful things God hasn't made yet. It’s was so nice. I really, really hated to leave.
I’ll have photo’s tomorrow.

Have I Told You Yet...

...aboutErik’s birthday? For the entire month of April he’s been planning to take his birthday off of work and spend the entire day with Laine and take her to the zoo. I laughed at him at first because when was the last time he spent an entire day alone with her? Oh yeah, never. After I got over my giggles though I started freaking out a bit because when was the last time he spent an entire day alone with her? OH YEAH, NEVER! So I had my moments during the weeks prior of packing and repacking our spare diaper bag so that he’d have everything he needed for the entire day all ready for him. The night before I cut up apples and premixed three cups of chocolate milk and I laid out three outfits and I gave Laine a bath and tried to explain to her that it wasn’t my fault the next day was happening to her and I was so sorry but we just have to make the best of this. Then I lay in bed all night tossing and turning with nightmare visions in my mind of all the things that could possible go wrong. There were a lot of electrocutions and bleeding cracked open heads in my dreams. The night before is when Laine scratched her eyeball with a staple too, so on top of my freaking out over Erik alone with my baby I also had myself 100% convinced that Laine’s eyeball would be hanging out of the socket by morning. The next morning came, with doom drums pounding in the distance, Laine slept while I was getting ready for my day and when the time came to either wake her up and take her to daycare or wake up Erik and let him know she was in bed with him I froze. What to do? He never wakes up when she cries in the middle of the night and the only time I get to sleep in on weekends is when I forcefully push him from the bed and tell him it’s his turn to wake up early with Laine with a solid “or else” in there somewhere. So I woke up Erik, I told him to call me first thing when she wakes up to let me know how her eye is doing and if it’s  still attached to the socket of her skull. I did get a phone call, not until 8:30 but I did get a call. Then I got a photo text of the pile of poop Laine was using as finger paint on my bed sheets. She’d been up for a while it seemed, she didn’t have her morning tired eyes and those take at least ten minutes to go away. Erik woke up to her crying and holding a poopy finger under his face and of course he did what any good parent does, he took a picture, then snatched her up and tossed her in the bath. He took the sheets off the bed and tossed them onto the couch, like you do. While he was getting dressed Laine found a sugar bowl next to the coffee pot in my bedroom and dumped it on the floor, like she do, and when Erik went to vacuum it up he found the bag was full so this is when I got second phone call of the day “Hon, where do we keep the vacuum bags?” We were out so he made a run to Kroger, I’m assuming he took Laine with him but was too terrified to ask just in case he decided to leave her with a bowl of food in front of the TV. When he got back he found out that he’d bought the wrong size of vacuum bags and instead of going back to Kroger he said screw it and packed Laine up and drove up to his office to pick up his paycheck. In between all of this I got three other phone calls, the first for “What do I feed her” the second was “where do we keep the sugar?” and the third was “where do we keep her clothes?” sigh. Once he got to his office, presumably with a fed, sugar highed and clothed baby, he was put to work for about an hour so Jenn watched and played with Laine for a while. As he worked her got an email from Wells Fargo informing him that we had been turned down for our loan to refinance our house because our savings account was short the required two months mortgage by 24 dollars. (This got fixed and we closed on the house yesterday.) Again Erik said screw it and left. He got his check and headed to Target to buy an umbrella stroller because our large one was still at Nanny’s house from the previous Wednesday. While he was there he bought the correct size vacuum bags and then he and Laine headed over to the zoo. Once they parked and were walking in, a mother and her kids that were leaving informed him that the zoo closes at 3:00. It was 3:00. The zoo was closed. Of course it was. So since they were close to some park Erik knew about he and Laine went to walk around a lake and look at ducks until one duck started getting aggressive and Erik got freaked out and so he packed Laine up and brought her home. I met him there and tried so hard not to laugh at him as he told me about his day. I failed.  Around 5:30 we went to drop Laine off at my mom’s so that he and I could go to dinner and a movie and celebrate his birthday together. We got to the restaurant, got a table and ordered our drinks. Erik started shifting very uncomfortably in his seat and then asked me if I’d brought my wallet because it seemed to him that the padding that should be bumping up his left cheek wasn’t there. So we had to gracefully sneak out of the restaurant and head back home to get his wallet. By the time we drove back to the movie theater area we had 45 minutes until the movie started so again Erik said screw it. We ate dinner at Marble Slab, both of us getting Sundays bigger than our heads. After we got the ice cream we went to the movie, watched it then headed to my mom’s to get Laine. On the way home we stopped at Wendy’s for some dinner then we passed out before 11:00. Before crawling into bed Erik said he was glad that day was over.  I cuddled up with him and talked to him until he fell asleep about what good Daddy he is and what a great job he'd done the whole day keeping his attitude positive and enjoying Laine's company, letting all the other crap just fall to the side. I told him that I loved him and then he started snoring. Happy Birthday honey.

I Need More Cheese

Work has been so busy lately that I haven’t had two seconds to myself in three days. I don’t have the time now but I’m taking it anyway. If I can eat and work I can eat and blog. But what to blog about? Well I’ve lost 5 pounds officially. I gained one then lost it again this weekend but what can I expect with cake and sandwiches in the house. I enjoyed myself with good food so I’m not going to stress the small things. And one pound is a very small thing. Five pounds however is a very large ting and I celebrated by spending money, like I do, on Laine at Old Navy. Mom spent some money on me, like she does, and who could stop her? No me and I didn’t want to, I got a super comfy dress from her that I wore for two days strait.
Erik told me that he’s finally done working at the church on Thursday, then he went back to finish up again on Friday. I’m expecting him to have to “finish it up” a few more times before he’s really done. He’s completely incapable of leaving a job in regular working order. It has to be perfect. And that’s a good thing, it just takes longer and I miss having Erik at home.
Last night Laine and I were waiting for Erik to come home and he came around 8:00 at which point we went upstairs to put Laine down, which is laying in my bed until she falls asleep. Erik saw I had things covered and went downstairs but I made him come back up and sit by the bed within Laine’s eye line. Part of the problem I have with Laine is that she is so clingy with me all the time. If you know me you know I love it, I need her as much as she needs me, more even, and I never get enough hugs from her. But at the end of the day with I’m trying to get dinner made or do housework, I really can’t do it with her on my hip. I mean I can but it’s hard. So it would be nice if she would go to Erik when he is home but she won’t. When we are out of the house, at the park or church or anywhere she is such a daddy’s girl but at home it’s all mommy all the time. So I made him help me put her to bed by just staying in the room with us. I think part of the problem is that Laine doesn’t see Erik as a part of out nighttime routine so he doesn’t belong there to her. I’m trying to change that. I’m changing a lot of stuff lately. I haven’t cooked dinner even once this week yet. I wait to eat until after Laine is asleep and Erik had been eating sandwiches and soup leftover from this weekend. Laine’s meals are so easy, steam some veggies and cut up an apple and she’s set so it’s no work to feed her, then we just play and cuddle until bedtime.
I’ve been getting overly stressed out at nights. I know I’ve got it so much easier than most other people. I have a great kid and an amazingly helpful husband, but around 9:00 every night I’m breaking down into an angry frustrated puddle in the kitchen stressing about the dishes that haven’t been washed since Monday because I don’t have the energy to do it or the laundry that’s been in a pile since March because I can’t get the motivation to not just wash the same three outfits over and over again. It’s not like I’m crying all the time or pulling my hair out over it, I’m just fed up with it. I want to throw all the dishes in the trash and pack up all our clothes and drop them off at the Goodwill. I’m not tired of doing it all I’m just tired of doing it on my own. I want my husband home. I want him home to be there to sit in the kitchen and talk to me as I do the dishes. I want him home to hand me hangers as I’m putting away the laundry, I want him home to comfort Laine when she gets scared of the vacuum, I want him home to laugh with me over Laine trying to help me sweep the floors and dust the lamps. I’m tired of having a long distance relationship with my husband and I’m tired of my daughter being uncomfortable around her dad at night.
I’ve tried saying to myself, single mothers do this stuff every day and they get it done and if I were a single mother I’d get it done too. A huge chunk of my anxiety comes from the fact that I have a husband and he’s just not home with me. And of course he knows this but what can we do? His Job is his job and it’s not going to change anytime soon. I guess I just need to get over it already. I whine too much. That seems to be all this blog is about anymore.
And we are thinking about adding another baby into this mix. Maybe we need to think again.

Happy Birthday Daddy

Update, Abridged.

Wednesday February 2: Rolling blackouts in South Texas during the coldest winter since the last coldest winter. Who thought this was a good idea? I understand lots of folks are running their heaters and taking longer showers but compared to watering our lawns and running the A/C in the summer time we shouldn’t be having this problem now should we? Whatever, I just wish they would have waited until after I took my shower with my electric hot water heater. Bastards.
Thursday February 3: Laine got a fever around 3:00 in the morning and I tried a cool bath and getting her to drink a bunch of water first but around 6:00 it turned into a full blown 103 degree mess so I gave her Tylenol and some chocolate milk and we slept some more until 8:30. I called into work and took Laine to the doctor to find that she had the flu and an ear infection. Happy Birthday Laine!
Since she is two now and a whopping 28 pounds she is allowed to take Tamiflu. Twice a day for five days, that stuff is a miracle drug.
Once we made it back home it was almost 2:00 in the afternoon and for the rest of the day Laine slept off and on until finally crashing out completely around 10:00. I was able to get another doll made and up on Etsy before passing out myself.
Friday February 4: Erik and I both had the day off work to stay home and take care of Laine. But Erik started feeling bad as soon as he woke up so I ended up taking care of the both of them while trying to get my house in order in case we didn’t cancel the birthday party. We did though, last minute and everything, but we’ll have that rescheduled for next Sunday.
All day Friday we stayed home. Upstairs in bed. Downstairs on the couch. Upstairs for naps. Downstairs for dinner. Upstairs for bed. That’s as far as anyone moved the whole day.
Saturday February 5: Laine looked a lot better Saturday morning. Erik not so much. Me not so much. Saturday wasn’t a good day for me. But mommy’s don’t get days off so we got up and dressed and headed to Kelly’s to get some breakfast then we went to Baybrook to look for some toddler bedding for Laine. Did you know that no one sells toddler bedding in their stores? Everyone sells it online but unless you want Cars, Toy Story or Disney princesses from Babies-R-Us you’re screwed. We ended up getting Laine a 3 in 1 potty so that we could get started on our potty training.
While we were at the mall though we were accosted by the Picture People, some lady walked across the walkway to stop us and tell us that our kid was “just too adorable to not photograph” and that if we followed her she’d give us a free 8x10. I said no thank you, with my best “you’re a freak , stop looking at my kid” glare but Erik was all sure why not and I said sure why not, like sure I’m not sick and I certainly don’t want to go home with my tired past nap time kid. But you know, it’s whatever.
As it turns out Erik was right and I was wrong (surprise surprise) and Laine was wonderful for a whole 20 minutes and we got some amazing photos taken of her, we bought some pictures as well as the free one because really we do have a beautiful kid and it was her birthday week and why not?
When we got home Laine and I napped for about an hour then she and I joined Erik downstairs until almost5:00 when Erik decided he wanted to go to GameStop to buy himself a new video game. So we all piled back into the car and went for a ride. On the way home we stopped and bought a frame for our new 8x10 of Laine and then we went to Kroger. Erik wanted food but not fast food and he didn’t want to go to a restaurant to sit and eat either so we went and wandered around the grocery store before deciding on some shrimp pasta and asparagus for dinner. I really should have made more; Laine ate enough that I should have cooked for three adults. Lately her appetite has been minimal and I’d just gotten used to it, but after being sick I guess she’s just getting better. I’m not complaining about that at all.
Sunday and pictures to come.

Losing Fights

Last night I got home right at 6:00 with Laine. She was in a super great mood. She asked for April to be let out right away and for the next hour she and the dog ran around the house chasing each other while I was able to get leftovers warmed up and on a nice plate so they didn’t look like leftovers. (I’m wondering now who it was I thought was going to care about that.) I also roasted some veggies, no sense in making Mac and cheese when I have cauliflower leering at me from the vegetable drawer, taunting me with the fact that it was almost a week old and I still hadn’t cooked it. Once everything was taken care of, Laine and I went into the living room to wait for Erik to get home so we could eat. I sat on the couch and was watching Laine and April chase each other around the living room; Laine would chase April into the dining room, then April would flip around and chase Laine back around the couch and towards the toy corner. Then just when I was sure I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, Laine came tearing around the couch and was running right in front of the fireplace, as she turned to look to see if April was behind her, Laine tripped. I don’t know if she caught her foot on the fireplace itself or if April tripped her or if she tripped herself but I am so grateful that she turned at the moment she did because had she been facing forward she would have caught her cheek square on the corner of the brick, as it was, with her head turned it caught her right under the chin. The scrape started on her belly and scraped up and caught her armpit then she slammed onto her chin. Another thing to be grateful for, her big ol’ belly, had she not had that all the force would have been directly on her jaw.

As soon as her chin hit the brick I heard her teeth snap, and she was sitting there on hands and knees totally silent, I knew she was hurt and hurt bad and I was already flying off the couch and picking her up before she even started crying, but when she did start crying it was the worst cry in the world. It was a soft whine that turned into the most epic show of tears I’ll ever see on any two year old ever. Man she was hurting. I immediately made the dog go to her kennel and got a wet towel to wash off Laine’s chin. The cold water on the scrape made the tears stop automatically and she didn’t cry again the rest of the night about her owie. She’s a seriously tough kid. After some cuddling that seemed to be more for me than it was for her, I took her to the bathroom for a bath and she let me wash all the scrapes with soap and put Neosporin on it and a band aide. The band aide was super cool to her, she kept pointing to it and saying “My owie, mine. OW!” like it was a cool prize she just spent all her tickets on and was not going to share with me.

Erik got home right after the bath and I told Laine to “show Daddy you’re new owie” and she then told him that it was her owie not his. I’m trying desperately to work with her about her possessiveness but as long as she’s not hurting she can have as big a possessive attitude that she wants. We were out of milk so Erik was going to run to the store for me and he took Laine so that I could eat in peace, when he got back he told me that “had he not been married he totally would have gotten tail tonight”. When the y got to CVS Laine saw herself in the security monitor and pointed to it saying “Ats my Daddy!” and there was a “gaggle” (Erik’s word) of girls at the register who started says ooh and ahh and how cutes and she’s so adorable. Erik said that Laine snapped her head around to them, pointed and said “No, no. My Daddy!” and the girls laughed and awww’ed some more and started trying to chat up Erik. He was totally getting flirted with because f the baby I pushed out of my special place. Not fair. Though, it’s nice that he had his moment. He was a little puffed up when he was telling me about it and I just gave him a kiss and said I was happy for him. Everyone needs to be flirted with periodically; it’s why I shop at HEB, those bag boys are the sweetest.

While Erik ate his dinner I took Laine upstairs to bed, she didn’t fight me at all and was super snuggly, I sat for an extra ten minutes just smelling her hair and enjoying my moment with her letting me hold her tight before I put her down and got started on my new doll. This is the first all me doll. I drew the pattern yesterday and it took me forever to get it how I think I want it. We’ll see how it all fits together. Last night I got the legs and arms done and starting fitting the head to the body, but the face is giving me some trouble. I got to say though; this doll doesn’t seem to want to get made. The legs have three parts: leg, sock, and shoe. Right, so, I put the socks and shoes together but when I went to put the legs on I put right to wrong side instead of right to right so when I went to put the two parts together and sewed and flip it right die out, I was confused as to why the wrong side was out. Thinking maybe I was just tired and forgot I already flipped it, I unflipped it, but the wrong side was still out. Finally I realized what I’d done and had to undo ever tying and do it over again. I got them all finished but then my sewing machine started puberty and got all angsty on me, randomly spitting the thread out of the needle, knotting up thread on the bobbin, the light flickering. Either it just got its first period or the devil lived inside it.

Also, does anyone else’s dining room look like this? I’m trying to decide whether of not I should be embarrassed if anyone sees it this way and I’m leaning towards not. But man, it’s messy right?

I finally threw my hands in the air and said a prayer over it before turning out the lights and heading upstairs to try to explain to Erik what happened and getting the look that says “when did you start speaking Portuguese?” so I harrumphed into the bed and watched Conan until I passed out. Laine came into my room at midnight but fell asleep as soon as I picked her up, I let her stay with me in my bed for while before taking her to her room. I didn’t mind being awake with her last night, she was extra cuddly and I love soaking up her smell. I wish they made Laine flavored coffee; it’s all I’d ever drink. This morning I woke up a little late, almost 6:00 so I wasn’t able to take a shower but I did dunk my head in the sink for a quick wash and sprayed on a couple extra pumps of perfume. A whore’s shower, my grandma calls it. At 6:30 I left Laine wide awake on the bed with Erik, its kill or be killed in the mornings at our house. If you say you can be up you need to be up. Erik said he’d wake up and watch Laine until taking her to my mom’s at 8:00. I offered to take her to daycare for the fist part of the morning but he said he’s watch her. He looked like I’d kicked him in the gut leaving a rowdy toddler in his bed at 6:30 but I just laughed. And laughed and laughed. I got dressed and packed up Laine’s bag and set it by the door before heading out. I was a teensy bit late getting on the road and then I had to get gas and cash for the beltway, but I still made it to work twenty minutes early.

I had blackberries and apples for breakfast and the best coffee I’ve had in a very long time. I’m hoping today is as good a day as it was a morning. Fingers crossed.

Dolls, Sleep and a Broken Streak

I am literally having to pull myself up by the hair and taping my hands to the keyboard to get this written. I hope you can appreciate the effort I’m making.
For the last four days all I’ve thought or dreamt about are dolls, it’s getting a little out of hand. I didn’t do laundry or dishes all weekend. Not one load in either machine. Laine only got one bath all weekend and that was on Sunday night and it was only because we were at my mom’s house and it was embarrassing how much she needed it. I know I’m a horrible mother; Laine could have contracted some insane disease from the bacteria and dirt. Whatever. She’s fine. And clean now. Plus she’s a toddler; there is a Clorox like excretion on her skin, like whatever touches her, she kills before it can hurt her. Unless it’s a cold germ, then she’s helpless. But like I said, now she’s clean and I have my ideas finally situated. I’m glad I took the time for myself. It would have been awesome if I’d had someone to help out and take care of the house and baby for me while I was taking this time for myself, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll start dating again, boyfriends are so much more helpful than husbands. It’s worth bringing up to Erik, maybe over dinner tonight. If I cook for him; I may be making a doll.
So far I’ve been working from a pattern that was someone else’s, it’s not copyrighted that I know of but on the off chance that it is and on the off chance I decide to sell one or two I don’t want any problems. And I’m pretty sure I have it all worked out now, at least I have the idea worked out. Now I need to figure out how to take that idea and form a pattern out of it. Once that’s done its cheesy peasy fresh and easy. I have some amazing fabric that I picked up on Saturday and some super cute little buttons and beads too. I’m ready to do this thing; I just need the thing to get done so I can do it. You know?
So Friday. Friday I got off work around 3:00 and headed over to my persons house, where she was napping and I totally made the dogs bark and wake her up and then I felt bad and offered to leave but she was already up so I hung out for a little bit, the girls woke up from their nap soon after and it was a nice visit. I went home to piece together a doll I had been thinking about before going to go and get Laine from daycare around 6:00 and she and I headed into Friendswood to watch Josh play basketball. He’s so much better at it that Jacob was at his age, he gets on his man and stays there and totally took the shot when he had it, three year olds are amazing. Especially the ones related to me, because they all get their amazing gene from me. If you know my family and are questioning this, you can just shut your pie hole. You don’t have to understand it for it to be true. Science schmience.
When we were leaving the game Laine FAAAHH-lipped out. To the max. Apparently my mom pinched her right as I was putting Laine into the car seat, but Laine thought that I did it so she got all hateful towards me and started crying for Nanny. It’s the only explanation there is; if you were there you’d know.
Laine cried for a while in the car then started doing that sniffing thing, like she’s been crying for hours and her body doesn’t know it’s done and so it keeps faking the motions but there are no more tears. Ugh I hate that. It breaks the heart even worse than the crying, she even did it after she fell asleep. Then when I got home I walked in the door with her passed out but then April came barreling around the corner and clipped the back of my knee and I jostled Laine awake. She stayed up for another couple of hours before finally passing out for good. I can’t remember if she woke up or not, if she did I’m sure she went back down easily enough. I stayed up until a little after midnight sewing my doll and got everything but the stuffing done. So when I woke up the next morning I stuffed and stitched it up and took it with me to show mom at Jacob’s basketball game.
Erik had said that he’s got way too much to do around the house to go to a basketball game, so Laine and I tried waking him up when we got up around 6:00 but that was dumb, and it didn’t work. We tried again at 7 and 8 and finally I got testy and at 8:45 I told him if he’s too busy to go to a basket ball game I’d assume he’s too busy to sleep the day away. I snapped at him and stomped around the bedroom, turning on lights and yanking the covers off him because yeah, he decided he didn’t feel like going to my son’s basketball game, I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, YOU GO. Like you go to work and Sunday school. Then I got all involved with being pissed off that I didn’t realize how late I was running to the game myself. I got there a little late but beat Momma and Daddy. When I texted to find out where they were Mom used the “We’re old and move slow” card that I am pretty sure she’s never pulled out before. She was probably doing something with dad that she didn’t want to share because she knew I’d share it on here so she said she was just moving slow. Joke’s on her though, because whether they did or not you are all totally thinking they were “dancing the mattress jig” now aren’t you. Ha. They probably were. Rabbits.

After the game I headed to the house. I was going to just get my doll pattern and head to mom’s house so that together we could work out the idea for the shape of the body but Laine fell asleep in the car so when we got to the house we just stayed there and I let her nap. When we were at the basketball game Josh had asked me to make him a boy doll and since I have no idea where to start on that I made him a little monster instead that turned out really cute. I finished it up right as Laine was waking up from her nap and at the same time Erik walked out of the bedroom freshly showered and ready to go to Nicolette’s birthday party, and tried to tell me all he’d done around the house which was a whole load of nothing. It was all garage stuff that I’d never be able to know for sure if he did it that day or months ago. I’m pretty sure he watched TV the whole time. And even though I took an entire weekend to sew I can still be a horribly bitter person about him taking time to do his own thing, because at least I didn’t lie. I have no proof he lied and I’d probably never say it to his face, but still. Liar.
We headed over to my persons to celebrate Nic’s first birthday, and it was such a great party. Exactly what I want for Laine’s, family only and as soon as everyone is assembled its gifts and cake and thank you for coming now get out. Ah, that would be so nice. Thirty minutes and you’re down to just the people you really want to be there. Or you’re down to the people that think you really want them to be there. Those folks are generally the ones you do want around and if you don’t it’s really your own fault for faking it and making them think that. Yeah, we stayed.
Laine got to hit a piñata kind of by herself for the first time and when the candy came out she jumped on it like a rabid dog, she stuffed every single lollypop she could find into her bag, I think she may have even stolen some out of the other kids bags. They all got left behind because we don’t do candy at the house ever, but for a short time they were "MINE!” I’m pretty sure it’s about as epic a moment as she’s ever had.
We gave Nicolette the Colette doll. She seemed to like it, whether she really does or not though I guess is fine, it matched her room anyway, so that’s lucky. I’d like to make her an owl soon too, that would match her room even better, I found a owl mobile pattern that was flipping amazing, and I know she’s a little old for a mobile so it could be a ridiculous thing to do but I never really claimed to be in my right mind.
We left the party and headed home around 4:00 I guess, my allergies were nowhere near as bad as they could have been but still I needed to take a few minutes to breath deep once I was home. I took some Sudafed and made a cup of Theraflu and was finally able to stop sniffling. I really hate that I’m so sensitive to other people’s pets; it’s inconvenient and makes me feel like I’m insulting that person or their house and that makes me feel horrible.
Saturday night Erik had to drive out to James’ house to pick up a used faucet that Erik wanted to use for our kitchen sink and while he was gone Laine and I started climbing the walls with boredom so I took her with me out to JoAnn and she was a big help picking out the felt and buttons. She was a not so big help when it came to no chewing on the buttons but I take what I can get with her. Since it was too early for Laine to fall asleep in the car I stopped halfway home when I started seeing her doze. I pulled into the Kroger at 528 and Bay Area and decided we needed toothpaste anyway so we walked around Kroger for an hour. Have you been in that Kroger? It’s huge. We were there for an hour and I didn’t even get to see the Organic section. That part was waaaaay over on the other side and I got side tracked by the Pepper Wall and the four choices of Brussels sprouts. Amazing. Laine was totally into the miniature cart she was able to push around the store, not really functional if you’re doing any real shopping but for one or two things it was a ton of fun. But even the most funnest things in the world get old and boring given enough time and a toddler’s attention span so we finally got on the road close to 7:30 and she passed out again in the car but this time stayed out all night. Until 2:00. That’s her witching hour apparently, when the scary things come out and she has to be awake for an hour before going back to sleep. It’s become a regular thing, something I can’t even complain about anymore because it’s become my life. My regular routine is to wake up at 2 and stay up till 3 then sleep again until 5:30. No complaining because there is no changing it. Unless of course I get that boyfriend.
Sunday morning came at 5:30. Surprise! Laine let us stay in bed until 7:00 but then she started getting rowdy at which point I popped Erik on the head and told him it was his turn to get up early. And to his credit he got up right away, no complaints or arguments. He went downstairs and forgot the baby, but he did come right back up to get her. No, I didn’t get any rest in the extra hour I was in bed, I was terrified he’d forget about her again and I just knew at any second she was going to scream out because he’d stepped on her or something. But she didn’t. Still I didn’t sleep. I did however stay in bed then whole time, it was an exercise in restraint but I made it through, I even took a shower by myself. That’s a really big deal. I went downstairs to find Laine and Erik still in pajamas with fifteen minutes to get out the door. I should have known better but I didn’t fuss, I’m getting used to it I guess. Laine and I were dressed and headed for the door while Erik was still searching the house for a pair of pants. Genius should have looked in the closet but I didn’t say anything.
At church I found it difficult to hold my head up much less keep my eyes open, the only part that grabbed and held my attention both services was Russell’s singing. If he made a CD I’d buy it. I miss the Willingham’s doing worship, but mom said I may see more of them soon, so I’ll just keep my fingers crossed for that.
I worked in the nursery for second service and by 11:30 I was nodding off in the rocking chair with the girl baby so I had to have Erik come in and play with the boy baby. Me and the girl snuggled down and got our rock on for the last half hour and by the end of church I was finally getting my energy back up. It didn’t last long though, once I was in the car I fell asleep. Erik decided to drop me off at home and take Laine out to lunch with my folks. AMAZING IDEA! The best idea he’s probably ever had. I did sleep then, for a whole three hours I slept and I didn’t even move. My leg was still half off the bed when Laine came tearing into my room to wake me up at 3:30. She’d taken her nap on Erik’s shoulder while he was shopping at Lowes. He said he had a basket in one hand and Laine in the other, and he didn’t set her into a cart because he wanted her to sleep and that by the end of the trip his arm was dead. I let him boo-hoo about it because I’d just had a nap, but after complaining about it for fifteen minutes I told him “yes, dear, I know it was probably very difficult, I’m sorry about that but I’m so happy that you let her sleep. It was a very good daddy move” but my tone said “Shut the eff up dear, I love you but I’ll punch you in the no-go hole if you say another word about how hard you had it for the last three hours” He caught the gist of it though I think because he dropped it.
Once I was fully awake and we were all enjoying eachother's company watchign TV Erik said he wanted to do a few things around the house but throughout the day Laine had become attached to him and wasn’t letting him work (GOD! I WONDER WHAT THAT’S LIKE?!) So to pay him back for taking care of me I took Laine over to my mom’s where I was finally able to get her input on the doll, we didn’t get to talk about it too much but we did get to hang out. Daddy was busy with bills and taxes so Mom and I got to hang out just the two of us and watch a movie. At one point Laine left us to find my Dad, she ended up falling asleep on him so it was really REALLY just me and mom for almost an hour. That never happens and it was GREAT.
Around 8:00 I bundled up Laine and took her home, she woke up and went back down about three times Sunday night but each time was shorter than the last so I was still mostly rested on Monday.
Work was fine, I had a couple of things to do and was glad to have it to do, and I am still waiting on that big job to come in. Just waiting… At 5:00 I left and got Laine, she and I got home and made meatloaf and waited for Daddy to get home. He got there starved and impatient for dinner, and even ate seconds when it was done. It’s been a long time since he’s asked for seconds, made me feel like maybe this loaf was a better loaf than the last loaf i made, even though I know it wasn’t. I told Laine “He likes the meatloaf; that means he likes me.” And Erik looked at me like that’s not at all what that means, and I got all hurt and he tried telling me that he likes me with or without the meatloaf and I was all “so you don’t like the meatloaf?”and he said that no, really it wasn’t his favorite but it was okay, and I was all oh, it’s okay well let me just go set it on fire because we can’t have okay food here, it’s got to be perfect then Erik said something about insane and committed and too expensive, I don’t know, whatever. But he did have seconds.
We watched TV for a while before bed adn I saw this commercial for Dexatrim Max and it says you can lose weight three times faster. Three times faster.... THREE TIMES FASTER THAN WHAT?! I'll never in my life get over how incomplete that comercial left me.
Today, I broke my streak. I had gone nine days without calling Erik. I had to call him this morning though because I’d forgotten the last two days to take diapers to the daycare and I needed him to drop it off for me. He picked up on the second ring. TWILIGHT ZONE!! I almost forgot what I was calling him about.
Tonight we are eating leftovers and I’m going to finally figure out my pattern, hopefully. That’s the plan anyway.

Daddy's Little Helper

Hi, I'm Perfect.

I woke up late for work again today; it was already 8:00 by the time I got into the car to leave this morning. I can’t believe that Laine let me sleep in that long, she normally never sleeps past 6:00 so if my alarm fails she’ll make sure I’m up. But both the alarm and Laine weren’t working right this morning. Laine even let me leave her with Erik, which is odd considering morning times are her neediest so on my occasional late days it’s usually very hard for me to leave the house without her, dropping her at daycare is entirely different than leaving her with Erik. She definitely knows the difference. Miss Danielle will play with her and feed her and give her hugs and kisses and tell her how amazing she is twenty times before I’m out the door and Daddy just turns on the TV and snuggles down with her until she’s so fed up at doing nothing that she starts pitching a fit, then he gets up and gets dressed, then calls me for ”where do you keep her clothes?” and “do I need to give them her diaper bag?” and “do I need to feed her?” It’s not like we just got her. We’ve been parents for two years now. I haven’t changed her room or what drawer her clothes go in, or the daycare she goes to. I have kept everything exactly the same for exactly the reason of Erik having to do anything. That man… that poor man. He gets so lost! What would he do without me? He’d starve for one thing. And there is no telling how he’d react to find the dishwasher, washing machine and dryer don’t run on fairy dust and smiles. And Laine, poor girl would be dragging 90 pound diaper behind her, Erik can’t smell shit. Literally. Guess I can’t be running off with Bruce Willis anytime soon.

So I did get started on those dolls this weekend. I’ve made three of them so far. One for Nicolette and one for Laine, and I started making one pair for the twins. I can’t tell you how proud I was getting of myself with the twin dolls; I had them so perfect; exactly the same but exactly opposite. One was pink and one purple; but Laine was in my arms while I was sewing and she turned some knob on the machine and now it’s all kinds of messed up. One of the dolls had to be completely scrapped, the pink one and I know it’s my own fault for not checking the stitching at the back so I can’t blame Laine for it but I do know not to let her sit facing the machine anymore. I need my mom to come help me figure out how to fix the machine. (MOM, HELP!)

I was able to save the face and hair from the pink doll and I’ve started piecing a new one together, they aren’t going to be as exactly opposite as I’d like anymore but hopefully they’ll be enough alike/different to suit the twins.

I finished making Nicolette’s doll right after I got a delivery from UPS on Friday night. You see that book there in that picture? That’s the book I was saying I wanted. The one I couldn’t find and really wanted. Colleen totally got it for me. Yeah she did. That’s my person, she did that. I love her so much, probably more than any of you love your people. My person’s awesome. I finished Nic’s doll right after I opened the book, so she can know that doll was put together with a huge smile and a lot of love and gratitude. It’s my very first doll so of course there are imperfections but I can’t be expected to be perfect he first time right? Or second or ninth, maybe that’ll be my thing, imperfection, I’m perfect at it!

Each doll I’ve made and plan to make is going to be made with love, and with each particular girl in mind. You can almost bet on the fact that a prayer will be stitched into each doll for each girl.

I finished Laine’s doll Saturday morning right before we left to go to Jacob’s basketball game. Laine decided on Babette for her dolls name. We went through a lengthy list of names, to see what Laine could say and what she couldn’t, but since doing that she’s called her BahBeh so Babette it is. (For those of you, who don’t know, I got that name from Beauty and the Beast; Babette is the French maid/feather duster). I think Laine likes the doll, but it’s not her favorite thing by far, she likes to give it kisses and put it to sleep and BahBeh is Baby sometimes “Baby go night night, Baby eat bites, Baby HUG!” But when she’d not playing mommy then Baby is back to BahBeh.

On an updateier note, Erik was home all weekend. Not home working but actually home, he watched Laine for all of Saturday morning so I could get my craft on and he went with us to Jo-Ann fabrics and to Target and he didn’t complain once. He was a great husband and father this weekend; I have no complaints about him today. But then everything is usually wonderful when he’s home. There are no misunderstandings because we are face to face and not over the phone and that can go a long way for a relationship. Ours anyway. It was nice to be able to go and entire two days without wondering where Erik is and if he’s okay. My hyper-agitated nerves finally got a break.

Something that Erik does that I don’t normally share with you guys is, when we are at home, sitting around, making lunch, cleaning up: periodically he’ll stop what he’s doing come to me and hold me (yeah, sometimes I get annoyed because I’m bent over getting clothes out of the dryer, or I’ve got an arm full of towels and I’m half way up the stairs) he doesn’t care what I’m doing, he’ll hold me and the armful of toys and tell me he loves me and that he’s so lucky to have me. And if it’s laundry I’m doing he thanks me for doing it. And I love it. I love it so much when he does that. It’s exactly my love language. Well it would be exactly my love language if he’d take that laundry and put it away himself but I take what I can get, you know? I should probably start sharing the good things Erik does with you guys on here, it seems all I do is complain, it makes it look like I’m unhappy with him when I’m really not. I just don’t get the blogging bug unless I’m upset, sucks for you guys because all you get are rants and srsly’s so I’m going to try to be a bit more positive, at least when it comes to Erik. I just found out a couple of people I didn’t know about read my stuff, and they know Erik, can’t have them looking at him funny at church, not that he’d give two hoots but I’d care. So hey, don’t look at him funny okay?
Side note: A Facebook status update made me first laugh then think about Erik and the phone situation, it’s what gave me my new let it go mindset.
“Is the glass half full or is the glass half empty? We know there is a glass. We know there is liquid in this glass. The amount of liquid rests at the halfway mark. This liquid must be desirable or we wouldn't be arguing if the glass was "half empty" or "half full". There is a desirable liquid in a glass. Drink it THEN GET A DAMN REFILL!”