My First Baby

In the last seven years I have had a baby, gotten married, started a career, bought a house, traveled to foreign countries, joined a new church, made a friend that’s a girl and had another baby. I’ve done a lot in seven years. Seven years is a long time in most respects and you can get a lot done in that time if you want. But Jacob, my first baby, turns seven next month, and I just can’t seem to place all seven of those years. We must have skipped a few in the middle there, because for the life of me I can’t see them, I look back to the room at St. Johns and I can remember everything in detail; from the color of my nurse’s hair to the smell of the room when they had him under the heat lamp. I can remember taking a bath after he was born but making my mom sit in the bathroom with me so that he wasn’t out of my sight for a minute, I remember not being able to breast feed him after the second day, how much it hurt and left me feeling like such a failure when I gave him his first bottle of formula. I remember taking him to church with me that last day to let him meet all those people that had prayed so diligently for his safe delivery the last 6 months. I remember taking a nap at the meeting place, and being so mad that I’d wasted that time with him before I had to hand him over. I can remember every second of those three days but then I think back to this past weekend and I can’t remember if he told me he was in Karate or Taekwondo, or whether he was wearing a yellow shirt or a white one, or blue. What side does he part his hair on? Does he sleep on his side or back or tummy at night? Does he like vanilla or chocolate? Seven years come and gone and I don’t know one thing about the little man that’s sprung out of my baby. Seven years gone past and I’m still sitting alone in that room at Crisis Pregnancy Center trying my hardest just to stay awake so I don’t miss anything but I get so tired from holding him so tight that I sleep and miss it all.
I’ve had one epiphany after another in regards to my life and how I live it lately. Changes that need to be made are being brought to the front and waved in my face until finally I grab it and study it and make a plan. So here is to eyes being opened to a love inactive, and many years yet to learn all I can about Jacob.