Tomorrow I’m going to Jasper, Texas for a funeral for one of my dad’s aunts. It’ll be the first time since Laine’s birthday since I’ve seen my grandma. I’ve missed her a lot and I’m looking forward to her seeing Laine again. I really should make it over to Beaumont more than I do. Yeah, it’s hard traveling with a toddler but that’s really not an excuse. My grandfather lives just down the road from me basically and it’s been forever since I’ve seen him. I just don’t know what to do with him. I don’t’ know how to talk to him and I know it doesn’t matter what I talk to him about just that I see him and that I get Laine to get to know him and I’m not sure exactly why I don’t go, I just don’t. I guess the same thing would go for my grandma too except I do know what to talk to her about, I can talk to her about anything. She likes the same TV shows I do and some of the same music. I can talk to her about movies and when I was younger I was able to talk to her boys and bad habits and any little thing really. So again, I don’t know why I don’t just go.
I’m too busy or I work too late or I have too much to do at the house or I have too many plans elsewhere or I’d just like an afternoon to myself. The excuses are endless and many but that’s all they are, excuses. Yes, I feel bad, I feel guilty. Maybe getting it all out online will make me change that, knowing other people know that I’m a bad granddaughter. Maybe it won’t who knows.
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