Friday, September 30
Thursday, September 29
Monday, September 26
My Family
Erik let me sleep in very late Saturday morning, very very late. I didn't wake up until he was laying her down for her nap at 12:00. I have the most amazing man taking care of me and my kid, it's unreal and unbelieveable how lucky I've been with him.
Throughout the morning Erik took a few videos of Laine so that even while I was sleeping I wouldn't miss out on her day. I love that man so much sometimes it's rediculous.
Throughout the morning Erik took a few videos of Laine so that even while I was sleeping I wouldn't miss out on her day. I love that man so much sometimes it's rediculous.
Thursday, September 22
Lord in Heaven
I got a message on Facebook this morning from a cousin of mine:
Hey girl. I was hoping I could ask you some questions. What made you decide in adoption and do you regret it? I'm really confused right now
My response:
Hey. I decided on adoption because it was the best option for Jacob. I wasn't married or in school, I didn't have a job and I was still living with my parents, plus I had issues with the father. It was a serious decision that took months to make, but when I decided I hooked up with an awesome agency in Houston. Our adoption is very open, I see Jacob once a week, if not more. But that’s a rare case; most open adoptions have visits every six months. I don’t regret it now but I had years where I thought if only I would have tried harder I could have been a good mom, but now I’m glad I did what I did. Jacob's parents are the best thing for him and they will be able to give him opportunities and the kind of love that even now I wouldn’t be able to offer him.
So, I decided on adoption because it was the best thing to do for my baby. And no I don’t regret it.
Keep in mind that adoption is a hard thing. Very hard, and if you believe in your heart of hearts that you cannot raise your child responsibly, then I would recommend adoption. But you have to be sure that you’re sure that you’re sure.
Adoption is not an easy out; you still have a responsibility to be the best birth mom in the world. You can call me anytime 832-385-0623. I work in an area with no cell reception, but call me after 5:00 and I’ll answer.
Boy, I hope I said the right thing.
Hey girl. I was hoping I could ask you some questions. What made you decide in adoption and do you regret it? I'm really confused right now
My response:
Hey. I decided on adoption because it was the best option for Jacob. I wasn't married or in school, I didn't have a job and I was still living with my parents, plus I had issues with the father. It was a serious decision that took months to make, but when I decided I hooked up with an awesome agency in Houston. Our adoption is very open, I see Jacob once a week, if not more. But that’s a rare case; most open adoptions have visits every six months. I don’t regret it now but I had years where I thought if only I would have tried harder I could have been a good mom, but now I’m glad I did what I did. Jacob's parents are the best thing for him and they will be able to give him opportunities and the kind of love that even now I wouldn’t be able to offer him.
So, I decided on adoption because it was the best thing to do for my baby. And no I don’t regret it.
Keep in mind that adoption is a hard thing. Very hard, and if you believe in your heart of hearts that you cannot raise your child responsibly, then I would recommend adoption. But you have to be sure that you’re sure that you’re sure.
Adoption is not an easy out; you still have a responsibility to be the best birth mom in the world. You can call me anytime 832-385-0623. I work in an area with no cell reception, but call me after 5:00 and I’ll answer.
Boy, I hope I said the right thing.
Wednesday, September 21
A Ridiculous Pile of Wishes
Don't mistake this post for my actual birthday wish list. Yes, I wish for these outfits, and these kinds of nights, but no, I don't expect to get them. It's just fun to make them up, and it's probably more fun in my head anyway.
Monday, September 19
Birthday Wishlist, Someone Show My Husband
These are just suggestions, more like guidlines. This is what I want my closet to look like one day. Sigh. One day I'll be so fashionable you won't be able to stand me.
Wednesday, September 14
Tuesday, September 13
Tuesday, September 6
Thursday, September 1
Ya-Ya!
It’s easier to learn from someone else’s mistakes when they are a character in a movie rather than your mom or sister or friend. Because with most characters in movies you can say, that’s me! I’m totally like that… I would totally do that… I think that way… I’d say that too… it’s like I’m watching myself and my own life story. I just watched the Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood yesterday. I totally identify with Viviane Walker; the Ashley Judd/Ellen Burstyn character that was bat sheet wacko. I have a strong belief that I’m going to crack up one day, mentally just go bananas; and that character, Vivi, that’s who I’ll be in twenty years. And Siddalee is Laine, with thousands of dollars spent on therapy and having a special relationship with her father, but with conversations like “Daddy, did you get loved enough?” “What’s enough? My question is, did you?”
I really believe that‘s the future for my family. It’s not something that I want, of course, but it is something that I can see happening. Can’t you?
Anyway, I was watching that movie and I was totally into it, crying and laughing. I hadn’t totally lost myself in a movie in a while, but this one sucks me in, way more now than when I watched years ago, probably because I have kids now.
Anyway! All of that to say that at the end of the movie, Siddalee and Viviane are sitting on a porch swing and the mom is finally going to apologize to the daughter and I was so wrapped up in Ellen Burstyn at that moment, I was stuck staring at her face quietly begging her to tell me how exactly you apologize for being crazy and I guess it’s best that she doesn’t really. I love that movie, I love those characters, I love that story and all the conversations and Bloody Mary’s and James Garner is THE MAN. But out of the whole movie the main thing I got from it was this quote and the hope that I’ll be able to see everything I’ve prayed for myself to come true for Laine.
“There are some things for which...I don't expect to be forgiven. Not by my children. Not even by God. There are some things for which it would be ludicrous to say... I'm sorry. It'd be so, so pale.
I've been thinking about what I'd say to you, should we ever speak again. I thought of all the mean things that'd make you feel guilty. You know me. I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor's gone...and then I stick it in my hair.
And then it dawned on me. All those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true…I finally got an answer.
You.”
I really believe that‘s the future for my family. It’s not something that I want, of course, but it is something that I can see happening. Can’t you?
Anyway, I was watching that movie and I was totally into it, crying and laughing. I hadn’t totally lost myself in a movie in a while, but this one sucks me in, way more now than when I watched years ago, probably because I have kids now.
Anyway! All of that to say that at the end of the movie, Siddalee and Viviane are sitting on a porch swing and the mom is finally going to apologize to the daughter and I was so wrapped up in Ellen Burstyn at that moment, I was stuck staring at her face quietly begging her to tell me how exactly you apologize for being crazy and I guess it’s best that she doesn’t really. I love that movie, I love those characters, I love that story and all the conversations and Bloody Mary’s and James Garner is THE MAN. But out of the whole movie the main thing I got from it was this quote and the hope that I’ll be able to see everything I’ve prayed for myself to come true for Laine.
“There are some things for which...I don't expect to be forgiven. Not by my children. Not even by God. There are some things for which it would be ludicrous to say... I'm sorry. It'd be so, so pale.
I've been thinking about what I'd say to you, should we ever speak again. I thought of all the mean things that'd make you feel guilty. You know me. I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor's gone...and then I stick it in my hair.
And then it dawned on me. All those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true…I finally got an answer.
You.”
Monday, August 29
One day Erik and I will take a vacation, and it won’t be in the off season or just over to San Antonio, it’s going to be to a dreamy place during the best kind of weather and it’s going to be for a week, maybe a little less, but weekdays not just the weekend. And we are going to fly there and then we are going to veg out and sleep a lot and eat mad amounts of fatty foods and do amazingly fun and exciting things, have adventures and do things outdoors and it’s going to be amazing. Oh, and sex. Lots of it.
It’s like a bed and breakfast but instead of a room in a house you get a cottage all to yourself.
Sigh, one day.
