Monday, September 19
Birthday Wishlist, Someone Show My Husband
These are just suggestions, more like guidlines. This is what I want my closet to look like one day. Sigh. One day I'll be so fashionable you won't be able to stand me.
Wednesday, September 14
Tuesday, September 13
Tuesday, September 6
Thursday, September 1
Ya-Ya!
It’s easier to learn from someone else’s mistakes when they are a character in a movie rather than your mom or sister or friend. Because with most characters in movies you can say, that’s me! I’m totally like that… I would totally do that… I think that way… I’d say that too… it’s like I’m watching myself and my own life story. I just watched the Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood yesterday. I totally identify with Viviane Walker; the Ashley Judd/Ellen Burstyn character that was bat sheet wacko. I have a strong belief that I’m going to crack up one day, mentally just go bananas; and that character, Vivi, that’s who I’ll be in twenty years. And Siddalee is Laine, with thousands of dollars spent on therapy and having a special relationship with her father, but with conversations like “Daddy, did you get loved enough?” “What’s enough? My question is, did you?”
I really believe that‘s the future for my family. It’s not something that I want, of course, but it is something that I can see happening. Can’t you?
Anyway, I was watching that movie and I was totally into it, crying and laughing. I hadn’t totally lost myself in a movie in a while, but this one sucks me in, way more now than when I watched years ago, probably because I have kids now.
Anyway! All of that to say that at the end of the movie, Siddalee and Viviane are sitting on a porch swing and the mom is finally going to apologize to the daughter and I was so wrapped up in Ellen Burstyn at that moment, I was stuck staring at her face quietly begging her to tell me how exactly you apologize for being crazy and I guess it’s best that she doesn’t really. I love that movie, I love those characters, I love that story and all the conversations and Bloody Mary’s and James Garner is THE MAN. But out of the whole movie the main thing I got from it was this quote and the hope that I’ll be able to see everything I’ve prayed for myself to come true for Laine.
“There are some things for which...I don't expect to be forgiven. Not by my children. Not even by God. There are some things for which it would be ludicrous to say... I'm sorry. It'd be so, so pale.
I've been thinking about what I'd say to you, should we ever speak again. I thought of all the mean things that'd make you feel guilty. You know me. I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor's gone...and then I stick it in my hair.
And then it dawned on me. All those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true…I finally got an answer.
You.”
I really believe that‘s the future for my family. It’s not something that I want, of course, but it is something that I can see happening. Can’t you?
Anyway, I was watching that movie and I was totally into it, crying and laughing. I hadn’t totally lost myself in a movie in a while, but this one sucks me in, way more now than when I watched years ago, probably because I have kids now.
Anyway! All of that to say that at the end of the movie, Siddalee and Viviane are sitting on a porch swing and the mom is finally going to apologize to the daughter and I was so wrapped up in Ellen Burstyn at that moment, I was stuck staring at her face quietly begging her to tell me how exactly you apologize for being crazy and I guess it’s best that she doesn’t really. I love that movie, I love those characters, I love that story and all the conversations and Bloody Mary’s and James Garner is THE MAN. But out of the whole movie the main thing I got from it was this quote and the hope that I’ll be able to see everything I’ve prayed for myself to come true for Laine.
“There are some things for which...I don't expect to be forgiven. Not by my children. Not even by God. There are some things for which it would be ludicrous to say... I'm sorry. It'd be so, so pale.
I've been thinking about what I'd say to you, should we ever speak again. I thought of all the mean things that'd make you feel guilty. You know me. I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor's gone...and then I stick it in my hair.
And then it dawned on me. All those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true…I finally got an answer.
You.”
Monday, August 29
One day Erik and I will take a vacation, and it won’t be in the off season or just over to San Antonio, it’s going to be to a dreamy place during the best kind of weather and it’s going to be for a week, maybe a little less, but weekdays not just the weekend. And we are going to fly there and then we are going to veg out and sleep a lot and eat mad amounts of fatty foods and do amazingly fun and exciting things, have adventures and do things outdoors and it’s going to be amazing. Oh, and sex. Lots of it.
It’s like a bed and breakfast but instead of a room in a house you get a cottage all to yourself.
Sigh, one day.
Wednesday, August 24
Friday, August 19
Thursday, August 18
Monday, August 15
Thursday, August 11
Wednesday, August 10
Monday, August 8
Weekend at Grandma's House
This weekend we went to Beaumont to visit Grandma for a day, we had such a great visit with her I'm not sure why we don't make it out there more often. Sitting and visiting with Grandma all day is the most relaxing and theraputic thing we've done in a very long time.
Here's a video of Grandma and Laine watching Finding Nemo together, like two little peas.
Here's a video of Grandma and Laine watching Finding Nemo together, like two little peas.
Wednesday, August 3
It's Been A While
You know how it goes. Busy, busy, boring and busy, the life of a mom.
Topic one: I’ve been baking a lot. A lot. A. lot. It’s been fun and time consuming and relaxing and so inconvenient all at the same time. I love to bake, I’ve recently figured out. I know I can make things that some people really enjoy, it’s not for everyone, I know, but I can do some things for some people that can sometimes make them happy. Baking is one thing I can do. I’m trying to expand on what I can do. I’m going to be trying to put aside the box cake mixes and make my own cakes. I’m starting this week in developing my own recipe, one for yellow and one for chocolate so that from there I can make all my own flavors. I’ll be baking a lot and throwing away a lot unless there are folks that need cake.
Topic two: Erik has been working a lot. A lot. A seriously ridiculously stupid amount of work. And I hate it. And I miss him. And I hate it.
Topic three: Elaine. My angel. She’s so terribly two years old it’s driving up a wall. I can’t eat at a restaurant, I can’t shop for groceries, and I can’t go to my mom’s house without it ending in a shouting match or a spanking. She is so much more determined than I am. I have yet to win an argument with her and I fear it’s only a glimpse of what’s to come.
So far there is no convincing her that mommy’s right, there’s no making her do what I want, there is no mommy says baby does. Laine rules my home with a tiny iron fist. Of course she is spoiled, was there any doubt in anyone’s mind that I wouldn’t spoil the crap out of her? I want her to have every thing she wants; no matter how extravagant or insignificant I want her to have it all. Even the things that I can’t give her I want to encourage her to strive for everything she wants, however I’m starting to walk the fine line of raising her to expect all things instead of hoping and working for all things. I know that she’s only two but I really should have been doing a better job from the beginning. The person she will be when she’s older isn’t waiting to be made; she’s already halfway done with the process. Her building blocks are set into a foundation already; the only thing left to add on is experience. So when she screams for Fruit Loops at 1:30 in the morning I should be able to make it into a learning experience, a lesson in patience and respect. But 1:30 in the morning isn’t the time for me to be thinking like a teacher. It’s the time for me to be thinking like a working more or less single mom who got woken up only three hours into her sleep with only four hours left to go before morning. I do hope I can learn to take a moment and breath and remind myself that she’s not there at 1:30 in the morning screaming for Fruit Loops to annoy me; she’s there because she’s hungry. She’s not there at 2:00 in the morning pulling my arm and yelling my name to make me angry, she’s doing it because she’s had a bad dream or she fell out of the bed and she want me to talk to her until she calms down again.
I want to tear my hair out thinking about all the times I’ve turned a moment that could have been wonderful into something that is miserable. Do any mom’s ever get it right? It’s dumb that we can’t be perfect.
Topic one: I’ve been baking a lot. A lot. A. lot. It’s been fun and time consuming and relaxing and so inconvenient all at the same time. I love to bake, I’ve recently figured out. I know I can make things that some people really enjoy, it’s not for everyone, I know, but I can do some things for some people that can sometimes make them happy. Baking is one thing I can do. I’m trying to expand on what I can do. I’m going to be trying to put aside the box cake mixes and make my own cakes. I’m starting this week in developing my own recipe, one for yellow and one for chocolate so that from there I can make all my own flavors. I’ll be baking a lot and throwing away a lot unless there are folks that need cake.
Topic two: Erik has been working a lot. A lot. A seriously ridiculously stupid amount of work. And I hate it. And I miss him. And I hate it.
So far there is no convincing her that mommy’s right, there’s no making her do what I want, there is no mommy says baby does. Laine rules my home with a tiny iron fist. Of course she is spoiled, was there any doubt in anyone’s mind that I wouldn’t spoil the crap out of her? I want her to have every thing she wants; no matter how extravagant or insignificant I want her to have it all. Even the things that I can’t give her I want to encourage her to strive for everything she wants, however I’m starting to walk the fine line of raising her to expect all things instead of hoping and working for all things. I know that she’s only two but I really should have been doing a better job from the beginning. The person she will be when she’s older isn’t waiting to be made; she’s already halfway done with the process. Her building blocks are set into a foundation already; the only thing left to add on is experience. So when she screams for Fruit Loops at 1:30 in the morning I should be able to make it into a learning experience, a lesson in patience and respect. But 1:30 in the morning isn’t the time for me to be thinking like a teacher. It’s the time for me to be thinking like a working more or less single mom who got woken up only three hours into her sleep with only four hours left to go before morning. I do hope I can learn to take a moment and breath and remind myself that she’s not there at 1:30 in the morning screaming for Fruit Loops to annoy me; she’s there because she’s hungry. She’s not there at 2:00 in the morning pulling my arm and yelling my name to make me angry, she’s doing it because she’s had a bad dream or she fell out of the bed and she want me to talk to her until she calms down again.
I want to tear my hair out thinking about all the times I’ve turned a moment that could have been wonderful into something that is miserable. Do any mom’s ever get it right? It’s dumb that we can’t be perfect.
Friday, July 22
Perfect
"HE'S NOT PERFECT. YOU AREN'T EITHER, AND THE TWO OF YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. BUT IF HE CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH AT LEAST ONCE, CAUSE YOU TO THINK TWICE, AND IF HE ADMITS TO BEING HUMAN AND MAKING MISTAKES, HOLD ON TO HIM AND GIVE HIM THE MOST YOU CAN. HE ISN'T GOING TO QUOTE POETRY, HE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU EVERY MOMENT, BUT HE WILL GIVE YOU A PART OF HIM THAT HE KNOWS YOU CAN BREAK. DON'T HURT HIM, DON'T CHANGE HIM, AND DON'T EXPECT MORE THAN HE CAN GIVE. DON'T ANALYZE. SMILE WHEN HE MAKES YOU HAPPY, YELL WHEN HE MAKES YOU MAD, AND MISS HIM WHEN HE'S NOT THERE. LOVE HARD WHEN THERE IS LOVE TO BE HAD. BECAUSE PERFECT GUYS DON'T EXIST, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS ONE GUY THAT IS PERFECT FOR YOU."
BOB MARLEY
Monday, July 11
Tuesday, July 5
Barrettes For The Twins
I'll be adding a back piece in dark grey next and maybe some pink as an outline. The rainbow was made using a new stictch I just learned, I'm a little happy with myself.
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UPDATE:
